That's what I've felt recently. Uninspired. Out of ideas. And pieces that just doesn't seem to measure up. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
So I stepped back and thought, "Okay, you know what? Let's just try something different." I was looking through my phone and found Instagram's Layout app. I've used it maybe once, so I decided to play with it for a bit. I opened one of my photos, reflected it, then reflected it a different way, then stacked it... And, I kind of liked what I saw. It was still my picture, but dressed as something completely new. This is what I wanted: different, but still mine. But how do I make it more than just a patterned wallpaper? You know, give it life?
A little over a month ago, I took some pictures to share a dark part of my story. I teased it on Instagram with a picture showing some scars from a battle with self-harm, but that's as much as I've ever showed. It's just so real and raw, that I'm not sure if I'm ready to put it all out there yet. But something drew me back to that series. So I dragged a few of those pictures into the app and started to play.
What followed was a beautiful transformation. Kintsugi. These ugly, raw photos became abstract images that shared the same distress and pain, but in a more beautiful package.
I'm calling this series, The Strain of iMperfection. The photos are gritty and grainy. Lines don't meet in the right places. Symmetry is unbalanced and off-kilter. It's these little disruptions that create the unsettling tension that haunts me: almost, but not quite.
Hope. That's the beauty of these photos. The ability to redeem something broken. Each of these pieces is made from photos of agony and pain. But together they create something new and beautiful. And isn't that what Hope does?
I'm kind of glad I was discouraged. Well, maybe not glad–but content. It was a necessary genesis. The process that followed was healing–both for my physical recovery, and for my artisan soul. And I don't think that's something I would want to miss.
Enjoy the process. Brave the rise and fall. And keep creating–even if it's sh*t.